I attended an amazing event tonight. At the Cents of Style headquarters, it was a beautiful sunny day. #breakitdown I didn't realize how spiritual and emotional it was going to be. Courtney Brown, CEO of COS is an incredible woman. She told her beautiful, deeply touching experience with her wall of "unworthiness." She related how she felt like no matter what she did, how hard she worked or accomplished she never felt like "enough." What a hugely common (unfortunately) experience. I think we all feel that to some degree every day. It's a fight to keep it at bay. It leads back to fear. What I loved most was her reminder that the same thinking that created those barriers is the same that can conquer them because THEY ARE NOT REAL. It reminded me of so many times Wayne Dyer talks about how powerful our minds are. They truly control how we experience everything in life. Our mental game is as important as our physical health. We each wrote down our walls then ripped them up! A much needed exercise. And Courtney, man, what a sweet woman and a kindred spirit. 

Next was the ever fabulous Alison Faulkner of "The Alison Show." The woman is amazing. She has this resounding and almost tangible confidence and presence. She talked about building. What am I building? One of the first things we commonly ask ourselves when we begin dreaming is "what gives me the right?" She said the GREATEST secret to "I'm not enough" is "IF  YOU FEEL CALLED TO DO IT, FREAKING DO IT." I love that. She said "you have limitless potential and opposable thumbs. You won the genetic lottery!" Basically, what's your excuse? And she's right! We have all that we need inside of us and we still get in our own way, and worse - let other people get in the way! We did an exercise where she had us rub our hands together really fast then stop and hold them apart, reminding us that our bodies are made of energy. We are powerful. I was reminded that everything living has a frequency and how imperative it is that we stay on top of managing our energy.

She gave us her 2 universal truths for getting anywhere you want to go: 1. order: defining what you want, what you are passionate about and a crystal clear picture of where you want to go. THINK BIG! 2. Movement: never stop pursuing what you want. Remain in motion. The world wants to keep you small. Think big, act big. Access the energy inside of you. Get quiet. Take time to reflect, and often, about what you feel called to do. And always do your best. She also cautioned us to watch out for indecision, procrastination and perfectionism which all stem from fear. Lastly, she instructed us to be grateful. Gratitude keeps us in the present. It's one of the most important steps. I know many people who begin and end their day in gratitude. What a magnificent way to live. And what an awesome woman! 

High Fitness was last. And WHAT. A. WORKOUT. What did I just do? I have never been so out of breath in my life. And I thought the last month of being seriously committed (to beginning to getting back into shape haha) had put me much further ahead. I mean, I'm not in the hospital. I made it through. So all is well. What a ridiculously effective whole body workout. 

I feel so grateful and filled to the brim. Thank you ladies for the spiritual, emotional, and *cough (Emily) VERY physical uplift. I loved everything about tonight!

P.S. In the words of one Garth Algar: We're "magically babe-licious!" Check out our photos on insta and you'll know why. :) 

Have a wonderful evening lovelies.

It's been a rough 48 hours. I must have caught what's known as "con crud" because something is really going to town on my system! Staying positive though. Focusing on healing and rest.

I'm reading in A Return to Love again and am in love with today's lessons:

- When we have total commitment in our relationships they don't compete with each other
- Relationships are eternal & infinite - love adds to love
- Our needs are not separate, what goes around does in fact come around, so when we spread love and light that is what returns to us
- Love is not neutral. Marianne says, "It takes a stand" (168).
- "Often we long for another person because, in an invisible, intangible realm, we're still communicating, still connecting, still seeking resolution" (168).
- "Every intense encounter represents a deep and complicated karmic connection. An ending relationship is much like a death, and in many cases the sadness is even greater" (169).

This all speaks to me. I love that relationships don't have to compete with each other. Marianne uses an "ex" and a new spouse as an example. We often label the marriage that wasn't successful second rate. This implies that there isn't room for the love in that relationship. But this is not true! Love adds to love. You can have a perfectly loving, kind, gracious relationship with an ex that in no way takes away from the love or commitment with a new partner. This makes sense to me.  It just initially feels so backward because of the way we've been programmed by our culture to think.

I have a hard time forgiving other people for hurting me. I take full accountability of that. I am searching for the space inside me that can love them anyway, to see things from their perspective. There are people I have hurt that I think about daily and wish I could stand with, face-to-face and make peace. This is why the idea of relationships being in an infinite dialogue makes so much sense to me. I think we all struggle with finding resolution in something in our lives particularly for this reason.

Love takes a stand. Love is powerful. You cannot actively hate and love someone at once. Love is a challenge. It leaves us vulnerable and wide open for scrutiny. But it's only there that we are our greatest versions of ourselves. Only when we love do we fulfill our greatest potential. Love has the ability to heal the world. Love can truly create any experience we want in our lives.

I am grateful for these lessons today. And for the agency to freely choose love, every day, one at a time.

This weekend was Salt Lake Comic Con and good times were had by all! The biggest take away this year was how inspiring and wonderful my SLCC family and community are. I think, beyond meeting some celebrities and going to some fun panels, being inspired by how others use their influence to change the world - it was the connections I made with locals that was my favorite part. I have been chatting/bantering/fangirling with a group of girls on facebook for a few weeks now and they are all hilarious. They are silly and intelligent and we all have good conversations and things in common. I never expected to find these connections here, so this is life changing!

I have always felt ostracized living in the bubble. I lived here as a little girl (until middle school) then returned as an adult. It's a different planet, socially. People tend to stick with their "cliques," they can be completely unwelcoming both knowingly and unknowingly, and it stings. I have found women to be the best at this. And many moms to be the very best at this. Now I'm not saying all women, or mothers in Utah are horrible people, it's just been my experience that there is a definite cultural inclusion/exclusion that takes place in social circles here unlike anything I have seen or felt living anywhere else in the world, even as a white foreigner in another country. I think people in general, living anywhere remain where they are comfortable and so it makes sense that the people we hang around fit right into that comfort zone. I guess I just needed to find "my people," people with whom I am able to feel and be my most genuine self. I love nerds. There is no better group of people.

Moving right along, the point of this post was to address self-love. We are the power in our universe. Nobody can make us feel inferior without our consent. But being labeled an outsider can hurt. So what do we do? What do I do? I start looking for other people like me and start my own circle - open and welcoming to all. I choose to recognize how awesome I am and the value I bring to the world and instead of burying it in order to appear more like other people, to decorate my sleeves with it and scream it to the world. We are beautiful and powerful human beings. Our individual "superpower" is that there is nobody else in the world quite like us. We cannot compare two things that are completely different. There is no criteria that would make enough sense to judge how either could be "better." We are tragically, wonderfully, change-the-world-in-our-own-way different and that is the greatest thing about us! Grateful for not fitting in where I don't belong. For grace. For forgiveness. For the choice to be happy and the opportunity to explore how I can best contribute to the world.

#fallbackintoshape2017 day 25.

#fallbackintoshape2017 day 16. Thoughts of the day: If someone needs help, help them. You know who your real friends are when you are moving! I say this mostly jokingly.

My family helped some friends of our move all day and it would've gone a lot faster and smoother with a few extra hands. We all get busy, but we can all take a little bit of time to lift each other's load. After all, isn't that why we're all here together? This was my workout today. And it was a good one. It was actually pretty fun to spend the day with them also. And meet some of their family.

I am grateful for my friends and family who support us when we need them because life gets messy and stressful and crazy sometimes but it all seems ok when we have that support.

Speaking of support, we're about a week out from Comic Con and I have to say, I'm loving the SLC nerd community. What a bunch of babes! People are really awesome and encouraging and I already have plans to meet up with some fellow fangirls, get some pics, meet some celebrities, check out some awesome art and have a great time!

Day 15: #fallbackintoshape2017. Something to get my blood flowing is on the workout menu of the day. Perhaps a little kickboxing with a side of abs? Or a dance video. Maybe a little barre? We'll see.

Today in A Return to Love Marianne Williamson taught me: "Spiritual progress is like a detoxification. Things have to come up in order to be released. Once we have asked to be healed, then our unhealed places are forced to the surface" (117).

I like this description. I feel like every time life seems to be going well, the universe sends a trial directly in our path - to humble us, to strengthen us or to keep us moving. But often we see these things as "bad luck" or the universe telling us it hates us. However, it's often those things that come to the surface or get in our way that turn us into who we were meant to be.

I have a vivid and visceral memory of the dumb things I have done in my life, particularly involving a couple of different relationships in college. I wanted so badly to be liked and loved that I compromised parts of my heart and safety that took a long time to heal. These memories remind me to be better. They remind me how I never want to feel again, how I'll never allow anyone to treat me again and most importantly - how I will never again treat someone else.

These memories are ugly. The moments changed my life forever. They changed me forever. And who would I be without them? I like to think there were better, easier, less painful ways to learn the lessons I have, but I don't know that I would be as brave, or strong or accountable. I don't know if I would have the voice I do today if the things in my life had not unfolded exactly as they have. So I am grateful. And forgiving. I am the power in my universe. I hope I can help other people to be the power in theirs too.

Day 14: #fallbackintoshape2017. It's a rainy day, which I absolutely love as it reminds me of home. I've been working myself hard so I think a little relaxing yoga is in order for today's sweat sesh.

My main focus in this challenge has been to up my mental game and really find some things to beef that up. I know that to be a great leader I need to be open to and constantly in pursuit of learning. Plus, I love to learn. I don't think we can have too much knowledge!

In Funny Side Up today Rita told me: "Your mind only knows what you tell it (62)." She talked about interviewing Muhammed Ali and learning of his famous affirmation "I am the greatest." She said that he admittedly didn't start out the greatest but that the mantra kept him going. He believed in it. And it came true. Never give up on your dreams, and more importantly, yourself.

I am going to be successful no matter what. I know how powerful the mind is and how much belief creates my own experiences. I am tired of shrinking so that other people don't feel small. And spending my valuable time with people who actively choose not to be positive. In order for me to grow I have to be around people who challenge me to be my best and who are chasing their own dreams.

This is why I admire my husband so much. He had a rough upbringing and there was (and still is) no accountability in his family. It's dog-eat-dog, everything's a competition, aggression and compulsive lying but putting on a happy face and pretending everything is hunky-dory sort of environment. I don't know how he is who he is coming from where he did. But since we've been married he has become such an incredibly strong person. He has always been almost obnoxiously positive, unconditionally loving and forgiving man I've ever met. In the beginning I honestly wondered if he was faking it - and to some extent he was - faking it til he could make it. It was a coping mechanism for so long and he took on a parental role at a young age. He couldn't let anyone else see he was struggling. He was the rock.

Recently though, he's started to see himself a bit more like the rest of us do: awesome! He is an amazing human being. And even when he isn't feeling 100% or like he has everything under control he never blinks at going after his dreams. Nobody can tell him what he will or won't become. He's determined. He knows what he wants and where he is going. This inspires me to pick myself back up (about weekly) when I am not seeing results quickly enough and want to (temporarily) throw in the towel on my aspirations.

I'm so grateful for such a positive partner in my life that is always supportive of the things I want to do, however crazy or out there they seem at the time.

#fallbackintoshape2017 day 13. Reading and loving Rita Davenport's Funny Side Up. It gets better with every page. :) I promise, Rita will not disappoint you. Run and get this book in your life!

She asks: "Do you have good china, crystal or silverware that you never use because you're waiting "for special"? And what about the finest aspects of you?" (45). How inspiring. I totally get caught up in this. I have an entire tea set that I'd been waiting years to buy. I finally bought it about 6 months ago. The day it came in the mail I almost cried. And all but 2 cups are still packed away in a cabinet because we don't have enough space for the set and our regular dishes. We even had tea with friends recently. I need to take it out and enjoy it! What parts of myself and talents am I saving for a rainy day? What do I have inside me right now that could bless another person? Or bring me more joy in my life?

Rita later advises: "Pursuing your greatest potential is not only an act of ambition, but also an expression of gratitude and appreciation. It means being grateful for the gifts you have been given, by giving them full expression, and not squirreling them away on a shelf where they'll never see the light of day. If you're not using the best in yourself, you're not appreciating the best in yourself. Which means you're depreciating" (46). Depreciating? You mean I am losing "value" when I'm not using and sharing my talents? It makes sense. The way our muscles need constant and consistent (there's that word again. Taking note.) exercise so that they don't atrophy, our talents need expression or they will dim and we will lose them. That would be a terrible waste!

This reminds me of Liz Gilbert in Big Magic when she retells a story about a book she knew she was meant to write but didn't. A few years later that book was published, but by someone else, and someone she had been in physical proximity to around the time she was sure it was her book. She explained that creativity is just bouncing around out there. It wants to be used. If one person won't use it, it'll find someone else that will. I love the imagery of that. I  think of a little bubble on the wind with excitement and hope in it's little face, just waiting to land on someone's shoulder - like Jimminy Cricket, and whisper it's magic into someone's ear.

Life isn't about luck. Or fate. Its about choices. Who we are, what we want, and what we are willing to give to the world.

Feeling inspired!

#fallbackintoshape2017. Day 12. I am excited about the consistency of working out every day for 12 days and the feeling of accomplishment and confidence that comes with it. I did a bunch of sumo squat kicks today, a saddlebag workout (I think that might be my favorite area to target because that's where I want to see more tone), and an inner thigh workout. Oh that I were a runner. It'd simplify this routine so much. But I'd definitely get bored. Trying a new workout every day and repeating the ones I love is actually getting me excited to get up in the morning. And these posts are what is keeping me accountable. 

To keep my mental game strong I've been reading a lot about life and love and how we as humans relate to each other. It's been good for me to reflect on my own emotional state and to step back and observe more closely how I respond to different situations and energies. 

The quotes today are again from A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson. The first: "Relationships are assignments" (107). She talks about how there are no accidental meetings and that every person that we meet is placed in our life with a specific purpose. The two obvious being - to lift us or to challenge and possibly strengthen us. I love/hate that. It puts a huge amount of pressure on my daily interactions. However, it also helps me to take better accountability. Am I doing all that I can to make sure my interactions with people are positive and that I am doing what I can to serve others - no matter how they treat me, no matter how I'm feeling and no matter what the circumstance is? Because if there is one thing the world needs a bit more of, it's love. And service. The selfless, go-out-of-your-way, no strings attached service. The Ellen kind. The kind that walks around in others shoes all day before thinking about your own comfort/lack thereof. 

The second quote: "Relationships are eternal. They are of the mind, not of the body, since people are energy, not physical substance"(108). I believe this. And I know that the world would have a serious paradigm shift if we all saw each other's spirits versus each other's faces. If we spent more time focused on interacting with each other instead of avoiding one another, quit using our phones, headphones and other devices as buffers, and had actual conversations with the people around us, our culture would begin to change. We would learn so much from and about each other and even more about ourselves. Helping each other would no longer be a decision to be weighed against time and resources. It would be instinctual. It would become as habitual as yawning when we're tired or scratching an itch. 

We can do better. We must do better. We are all in this together. 

Love to all. 

J

Day 11 #fallbackintoshape2017. I'm feeling exhausted and sore. I've done more workouts and been more consistent for the last ten days then I have in a while. My little one is teething and getting used to sleeping through the night, so sometimes he does, sometimes he doesn't. That's the toughest thing about this challenge and life in general. I just need more sleep! I also just always find something to do even when I could take a break. That's the new goal: take some quiet, device-free time everyday for me. And drink more kombucha. Yum! 

The quote of the day: "Whatever energy system we find ourselves a part of, it's our job to heal it - to purify the thought forms by purifying our own." - Marianne Williamson

We are the power in our universe, over our experiences, our emotions and how we choose to interact with and influence others - or be influenced by them. 

Marianne Williamson reminded me this morning that "people who make us angry are our most important teachers. They indicate the limits to our capacity for forgiveness" (A Return to Love 95). 

Challenges and trials are our teachers. There will be people that deliberately set out to hurt us and attack our vibe because they want us to be miserable like them. We do both them and ourselves a disservice when we get pulled in. 

Let us put all of our energy into healing, loving, forgiving and looking for the lesson, the blessing, the silver lining in every situation. 

✌❤🕉

#fallbackintoshape2017 day 10. Still loving Funny Side Up by Rita Davenport.

"There's a world of difference between hope and expectation. A hope is a vague wish, a fuzzy sense of something you want but can't quite see, because it isn't quite real. When it becomes clear as glass, then it's not a hope - it's an expectation" (23). 

Rita tells a story about her life in Tennessee as a small child. She had been determined to be "learning-disabled" because she had a speech impediment. After moving to California for her mother to take care of her sick aunt, the school she was attending called home to ask her mother if she could skip two grades ahead. They had determined she was "gifted." 

She said from that day forward she was gifted. She walked the walk and talked the talk. 

I love this story so much! Nothing had changed with Rita. She hadn't suddenly become smarter or more capable over night. What changed was her belief in herself. We have to see ourselves as successful and brilliant and ignore all the negative chatter and gossip that tries to throw us off course. What other people think of us doesn't matter and frankly, is none of our business. We need to dream big and set our expectations in the sky. The only limits we have are the ones we place on ourselves. 

I think about how I will raise my son to be confident, positive and a good human being in a world where meanness is often the norm. I think that the one thing I will teach him, always is that his worth comes from within. It's inherent; he was born with it. Nothing he can do will make him "less" of a person or limit him from becoming whoever he wants to become. I want to teach him that he always has a safe space for honesty with me - that if and when he messes up he isn't afraid to tell me because he knows I will love him no matter what. 

I hope that we, as a society will learn that we are better together and recognize that a candle (or one of us) does not lose any light by lighting another candle. 

xoxo

#fallbackintoshape2017 day 9. I tried really hard to get up to get to City Creek for my first ever high fitness class. I didn't make it. :( I know I'll be crazy addicted though so waiting a min won't hurt too much. :)

I love this quote from Rita Davenport's book Funny Side Up: "Don't leave this life with your music still in you."

Let's not leave this world with one ounce of potential left inside of us! I've been pondering what gets me excited and what drives me to feel the kind of passion that makes me jump out of bed in the morning. For me, it's creating. I love cosplay. I love artsy craftsy things. I love having a hands-on project. I'm obsessed with dressing up! I don't know how I make a career out of that but it's a start! 

Dance party with the fam for my workout today!

Hope everyone had a beautiful and fulfilling Saturday! 

Day 7 of #fallbackintoshape2017. Week one of the 15 laws of growth with John Maxwell! This week's lesson (or last week's, technically, since I'm catching up): the law of awareness.

"You've got to know yourself to grow yourself." You can't pour from an empty cup. You can't give what you don't have.

What is your "why," your purpose, your legacy?

We were prompted with this question and given 30 seconds to write our answers. This is mine:

My purpose is to help and empower women. To advocate for survivors of rape and domestic violence and abuse. To lift people up. If time and money were no object, I'd sell (almost) everything I own, pay off all debt, and take my family around the world. All of our time would be spent sharing - our time, talents, our testimonies of Jesus Christ, our love of food and cooking, the very depths of our souls. I want to lend a hand, whatever form that takes. I want to spread love, understanding, open-mindedness, kindness and truth. I want to be an anomaly for people around the world. An American, Mormon wife, stay-at-home-mom, entrepreneur, a world-traveler with a couple tattoos, a well loved mom bod and a determination to change the world one person at a time.

What's holding me back from my dreams?

My mindset and attitude could use a tuneup every single morning when I wake up.

I'm not particularly comfortable with "selling" or recruiting in my business. So I'll learn to LOVE it.

I'm uncomfortable talking to strangers. I'll talk to as many people as possible.

Challenging ourselves and pushing past what we believe are our limits is what builds us the life we want. Amazing things happen when we step out in fear anyway.

So the next time a mentor says JUMP! Instead of asking "why?" I'm going to excitedly say "How high?"

Killer workouts today with blogilates: saddlebags & 8 min quick burn arms. 👍👍

Day 6 #fallbackintoshape2017.

I love these quotes from A Return to Love today:

"To forgive is merely to remember only the loving thoughts you have in the past, and those that were given you. All the rest must be forgotten" (69).

"Our capacity for brilliance is equal to our capacity to forget the past and forget the future" (71).

These really put "happiness" into perspective for me. Worrying about the past or the future just creates anxiety in the present. All we have control of and power over is our response to what is happening right now. The idea of making peace with the past by choosing to remember the blessings you had and the love that was there and to move forward in that love is really revolutionary - particularly because it is obviously contrary to what we are naturally inclined to think and do.

Starting right now, my quest is to visit past hurts and forgive myself and others, to replace sadness with love and to greet my experiences moving forward with love.

So grateful.

My workout today: "Yoga for neck and shoulder relief - Yoga with Adriene."

She said that sometimes neck pain is a result of our inability (or unwillingness) to see the other side of a story. That definitely resonates. And it connects back to that idea of forgiveness and letting go of everything negative in the past to make space for and accept the beauty of the present.

I allow myself to be open to new ideas and experiences. I release the past with love. I choose to be happy and spread light today.

I love today's meditation practice!

✌❤🕉

Day 5 #fallbackintoshape2017. I started my day with some scriptures that had an uplifting message: "But that ye have patience and bear with those afflictions, with a firm hope that ye shall one day rest from all your afflictions" (Alma 34:41). I woke up yesterday in a funk. I was in a hole and could not dig myself out. I spent a lot of time by myself, reflecting. I still can't figure out exactly what was under my skin. I think it was a lot of  little things, subtle things that affected me much deeper subconsciously than I thought. I haven't had that happen in years. It was a whole body takeover. Both mind and body went almost completely black. It was overwhelming.

Marianne Williamson in A Return to Love had some great reminders for me this morning which also helped pull me out of my funk (along with a huge hug from my sweet little boy when I got him out of his crib this morning and that elusive thing we call a good night's sleep). :)

1. "A thoroughly loving person is like an evolutionary mutation, manifesting a being that puts love first and thus creates the context in which miracles occur...The mutations, the enlightened ones, show the rest of us our evolutionary potential. They point the way" (43).

2. "Surrender means, by definition, giving up attachments to results" (56).

3. "In Zen Buddhism, there's a concept called "zen mind." or "beginner's mind." They say that the mind should be like an empty rice bowl. If it's already full, then the universe can't fill it" (59).

4. "To let go, to just love is not to just fade into the wallpaper. Quite the contrary, it's when we truly become bright. We're letting our own light shine" (60).

My takeaway from these readings:
- Challenges are opportunities for growth and are temporary. Have hope.
- Push out all but love. That is the goal isn't it? I can work harder at that.
- Clear my mind. Be teachable. Let go of pride. This might be the hardest one.
- Being loving, kind and refusing to adopt a fight mentality doesn't make me weak. It's the conquering of self that gives me the most power over my own life and emotions. I can control how I experience things.

So grateful for this challenge and the chance to really read and reflect each day. I'm also checking in with myself daily which really helps me to keep track of where I'm at emotionally, spiritually and physically. Here's to continued growth, increased love and feeling more grounded in my life.

OH and my workout this morning was called "15 minute sleek body barre workout." Loved every second of it. I can feel my booty lifting. It burned so good! If you've never done a barre workout, challenge yourself! It's amazing. And you're worth it.

Day 4 of my #fallbackintoshape2017 challenge. I did 20 mins of dancing/squats/holding plank as my workout. I listened to music from my childhood and realized how much I miss just listening to music. I recently made a playlist of my favorite songs and many are 80s and 90s songs. I am pretty nostalgic and each song has a particular smell, feeling and vibe that reminds me of distinct but kind of hazy memories. For example, whenever I listen to the song "Wonderwall" by Oasis, I picture being at a park in the late afternoon in a shady area and looking up into the sun. I feel warm, engulfed by the summer sun, at peace and happy to be alive. Whenever I hear a Shins song I am in Seattle, wandering around some market on a sunny day and it makes my heart feel full, but at the same time reminds me of someone I lost contact and friendship with. So it's bittersweet. Can anyone relate? Music is powerful.

I'm now reading A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson. If anyone has ever read this book, I'd love your insight. It is an interesting read. I was reading about "ego" this morning, defined here as "the false belief about ourselves, a lie about who and what we really are" (35). She refers to it as a "detour to fear" (35).

She starts this book talking about how our generation is "paralyzed" by fear, that we are being stopped by something inside of us. We are afraid, she says "that they won't like us or afraid they will. We're afraid of failure or we're afraid of success. We are more afraid of living that we are of dying" (5). I can relate to this. I am a chronic overthinker. And there are many times in the course of setting and accomplishing goals that I get stuck because I don't know whether to move forward or change course. I get overwhelmed by my options and choose to instead do nothing. Fear keeps us in a cycle of mediocrity.

"Science of Fear" by the Temper Trap is one of my favorite songs. It speaks to this:
Brakes on
Brakes on
The car is running empty
Brakes on, brakes on
The car is runnin' empty
Downhill
Head on
This crash is comin' slowly
Downhill
Head on 
This crash is comin' slowly
Move
Or watch the slow death of your way of life
There's a science to fear
It plagues my mind
And it keeps us right here
And it keeps us here
My ears 
My eyes
My brain is slowly bustin'
Black smoke
Red sky 
The television's sayin'
Downhill
Head on another crash is comin'
Downhill
Head on another crash is comin'
Move
Or watch the murder of your way of life
There's a science to fear
It plagues my mind
And it keeps us right here
And the less we know
The more we sit still
My baby's stuck on a road
That leads to nowhere
Nowhere, nowhere, nowhere, nowhere
Brakes on
Brakes on
Brakes on
Brakes on
Brakes on
There's a science to fear
It plagues my mind
And it keeps us right here
And the less we know
The more we sit still, sit still
My baby's stuck on a road
That leads to nowhere
Nowhere, nowhere, nowhere, nowhere

Maybe you have to listen to it. :)

Williamson says that when we call on God (or decide to give up control, submitting our will to His) that in that moment more challenges come our way. Confronting our fear doesn't make it go away. In fact, it might make our fears even more real and seem greater as we come face-to-face with them, but our experiences, she says, serve as a reminder of who we are. Working through fear helps us to reach our purpose and calling in our lives. It has the ability to wake us up rather than paralyze us. She reminds us that "...any situation that pushes our buttons is a situation where we don't yet have the capacity to be unconditionally loving" (39). Our challenges serve as moments of growth, opportunities for us to choose to rise up and become better than we were yesterday.

I want to live the life I dream about. To have more blissfully happy and beautiful moments than disappointments. Or fear, absolutely fear. It's all a choice, but it's the more complicated one. The one that gets us uncomfortable. The stretch and breaking down of who we are in this moment in order to build us back up. The difference between remaining where we are now and expanding our capacity to become that person we dream of becoming.

Day 3 of my #fallbackintoshape2017 challenge and it's what we call in our religion "fast Sunday." We go without two meals and give the money we would've spent in tithes. Physical hunger I've found, can be both frustrating and instructive. It teaches me repeatedly that my mind is so much more powerful than I often believe, and when I abstain from anything I realize the value of it and redefine what it truly means to me.

"Imagine if you treated your dreams and goals like it was your only food source. Imagine how hungry you would be to protect those dreams and how hard you would go after them."             - Cornell Thomas

This quote could not be more in line with where my heart is today. Thanks Cornell! My workout today is mental. I'll be doing 30 mins of meditation.

I'm now reading "A Return to Love" by Marianne Williamson. It's very insightful. She says "the brain is like a bio-computer that manufactures whatever we feed into it with our thoughts (8)." And later, "Thought is Cause; experience is Effect (24)". How true that is. My greater goal is to be more conscious in my life - more in control of my attitude and thoughts and more aware of my self-talk. ✌❤🕉

Day 2 of my #fallbackintoshape2017 challenge.

We had a really weird experience this morning where someone confronted us about a silly thing and it affected is for a good hour this morning but then I remembered a seminar I attended where the speaker said that the moment you feel like your life is in order - you feel content, happy, like you are being successful and ridding your life of negativity - that's the moment some people who aren't where you are are going to try to attack you and bring you down to their level. This is, very unfortunately, true.

Don't let someone else dim your lustre. Shine your light, be positive and create your own happiness. At the end of the day, all that's in our control are our actions and reactions, so let's make them kind. ❤

I'm beginning a 30 day #fallbackintoshape2017 challenge today. My goals: workout for 15 mins 6 days per week and read 15 pages (5+ scripture, 10 inspirational) every day. I am going to work on being intentional with these goals and improve my focus on being positive by reading, posting and rehearsing one affirmation daily. Excited to start this journey!

Today's goal: Alma 23-25, Extraordinary by Cornell Thomas Ch 5-7, Workout: blogilates saddlebags

Today's scriptural account is a battle between the Lamanites and people of God who call themselves Anti-Nephi-Lehis. The people of God decide that they would rather bury their weapons of war "that they might be kept bright, as a testimony to our God at the last day...that we have not stained our swords in the blood of our brethren...(Alma 24:15). Furthermore, "rather than shed the blood of their brethren they would give up their own lives; and rather than take away from a brother they would give unto him; and rather than spend their days in idleness they would labor abundantly with their hands" (Alma 24:18). What a beautiful way to protest - with love. With their own lives. To be righteous, we often have to make uncomfortable and seemingly crazy sacrifices at times. This story is so amazing because it doesn't end there. The Lamanites watch as these men refuse to fight, laying down and praising God and dying instead. Their hearts begin to swell in them and many of these Lamanites lay down their own swords and join the men of God. What an incredible scene! I wish I could have been there to see it.

Passion + Purpose = Power is Cornell Thomas's formula for success. He reminds me how strong the mind is. He calls it the "strongest muscle" (Extraordinary 26). He reminds me that the biggest battles we have when chasing our goals and dreams are not other people - they are internal, against ourselves. The struggle of fear and doubt pit us good self vs. bad self, or the self that really wants to go for it no matter what, expecting road blocks and planning on hurtling over them when they come up vs. the self that tells us how much easier it'll be to quit - or, worse, brings something else to mind that we're so distracted we forgot where we were going in the first place.

That's why it's imperative to be intentional, specific and keep our goals simple. Thanks for that advice, John Maxwell. I just started his 15 Laws of Growth lass and I'm in love (with the class).

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If you've never read the Book of Mormon, there's a lot of great battle stories and, contrastingly, a peace that comes in reading that I've never found anywhere else. 

If you haven't read or heard anything by Cornell Thomas, do yourself a favor and find him because he is an awesome human being.

If you don't know who John Maxwell is, RUN and find a class or seminar of his to sign up for. The man has a way of keeping really huge and life-changing ideas simple enough to understand and even simpler to execute. He's a leadership genius.

Affirmation of the day, courtesy of Louise Hay in The Power Is Within You (LOVE that woman):
"I am constantly increasing my understanding. I am teachable. Every day I open my awareness a little more to the Divine Wisdom within me. I am glad to be alive and so grateful for the good that has come to me. Life, to me is an education. Every day I open my mind and heart and discover new insights, new people, new viewpoints, ad new ways to understand what's happening around and within me. The more I understand the more the world expands. My new mental skills are really helping me feel more at ease with all the changes in the incredible school of life here on Planet Earth."

Thanks for reading my friends.