I have been challenged numerous times over the years to ponder this thought:

"Imagine your life in 5 years and time and money are no longer an issue. You can do exactly as you please. What does that look and feel like?"

For me, it's money and time freedom - both of which my company affords. It has a fail-proof business plan and an infinite and truly endless supply of support, in both knowledge and people form. I totally have a vision of what my life will be when I get there. I love to travel. I adore exploring. All the non-touristy, hanging-like-a-local stuff - that's all me. I love food, languages and learning anything and everything about the history of a place. I want my children to grow up seeing the world and more importantly, interacting with people from all over the world. I want them to grow up with a concrete understanding of what it looks like day in and day out to be another person somewhere else. I want them to walk in others' shoes, to be open-minded, compassionate and lead with love. To have servant hearts. I hope that is the legacy I can leave for them.

I also imagine the many people whose lives I will be able to bless with this opportunity and these incredible pure, safe, beneficial products. I can close my eyes and feel what it's like to be in a large room filled with indescribable humility, laughter, joy and the family I choose, my "tribe."

But, and it's a big "but" - I am my own greatest critic and am constantly getting in my own way thinking things like "I don't want to be pushy" or someone "might say no." But I have to remember what a beautiful gift I am offering. And people are going to say no, all the time, every day, perhaps out of their own fear and for a myriad of other reasons. But I can still share the gift, offer the opportunity, especially because it will mean growth and expansion both personally and together. And when I offer it, I offer a bit of myself up with it as I am looking for a team to change lives with.

I picture my husband being able to quit working and just focus on school full-time and my student loan debt as  $0. I smile as I realize I can take him on his dream trip to Paris (as a surprise of course). All of my wildest dreams are within my reach, I just have to work like it's my life depends on it - because IT DOES! I want to work to live, not the other way around. I want to spend my time with my family, raising my babies and not missing one tiny moment! I was given this little gift in my reading tonight:

                           "YOUR FEELINGS ARE WHERE YOU LIVE.  .
                        The subconscious is the womb of creation. . . it never
                      changes the idea received but it ALWAYS GIVES IT FORM."
                                                                                 -Neville

If I can close my eyes and imagine, every night about where I want to be, allowing myself to FEEL what my life will be like, it is only a matter of time before it will manifest. Our minds are powerful. But our feelings dictate the way in which we perceive and experience life. I plan on meditating more, getting into nature and really allowing my spirit to take over, and my feelings to be only positive ones. Wish me luck and a clear head!

xoxo

Last night I chased my superhero one year old around a wedding for 2 hours in heels. My beautiful cousin Amy got married to an equally wonderful guy and we were so happy to be there. Especially little t. He was so excited that he refused to be held - he just wanted to wander and people watch. I get it. He refused to eat more than a few bites of the ridiculously delicious catered food - he already had some milk, he insisted. But the kicker was that he wouldn't ride on anyone's shoulders. This is our go-to! We spent two 8+ hour days at Universal Studios a few weeks ago and it was shoulder-riding that got us through! He just really wanted to be free to roam, to explore, to try to sneak around unseen. Dad was in another city in class and I felt like I sometimes do after a particularly exhausting day that seems to never end - like a single parent. I must have had that deer in the headlights look on my face because my grandfather's niece (who I haven't seen since I was probably 8 or 9) sat down next to me and gently reminded me that we've all been there, and anyone at the table would be happy to take a turn playing with him. That is what it's all about. We are all in this earth experience with different gifts and talents in order to work together and help each other out. This is what "it takes a village" means to me: jumping in to pick up slack when the weight on someone's shoulders is visibly pulling them down. Bev, you are an awesome mom and truly amazing lady and might not possibly know what a saving grace you were to me last night. Thank you. To all the moms and mom-supporters out there - you make our world a happier place and your love lifts us above our sometimes mediocre and less-than-extravagant days. Home alone, sleep-deprived, covered in who knows how many different substances, we are trying to mold our perfect (to us) children into beautiful, compassionate human beings. And we need all the pats on the back we can get.

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow."

Sometimes being a mom, being an entrepreneur, a wife of an engineer to-be life gets overwhelming. But there are so many beautiful things to be grateful for. Sleepless nights, a baby who climbs and gets into everything, a husband who is constantly busy with schoolwork: these are just going to have to be on that list also. These are the things that get us along our journey and take us to greater things.

Today was a hard day. It was non-stop, running around trying to recover from multiple tornados. I felt like the rug was pulled out from under me without warning, the wind knocked out of me. One triumph was catching a dresser just before it would've landed on top of my baby. He's only one, but the busiest, most curious and insanely smart little boy I know. He climbs everything, runs at full speed into things, falls too many times to count and thinks it is the greatest thing in the world to deliberately do the opposite of what I'm saying. It's terrifying, messy and smells of horribly dirty diapers; but, at the end of the day, one tiny glance from him puts my heart at ease. I just need a little mental break, a full night's sleep and to remind myself I'm doing the very best that I can. I'm succeeding. My little boy loves me and I do everything in my power to keep him safe. We're doing alright. Even if our house is a disaster area and I'm utterly exhausted. In every cell in my body. 

"Comparison is the thief of joy" - Teddy Roosevelt. I had a really amazing day. My sister graduated with a Master's degree and has been hustling to get where she is. I'm so proud of her. I also saw some family members who I've always felt inferior around. Everything is a competition and it's difficult to feel like all I'm doing is enough. Because I feel like I'll never be enough for them. But in these moments I have to remind myself that I'm uniquely me for a reason. What does Dr. Suess say? "Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive that is Youer than You." And then there is the infinite wisdom in Albert Einstein's words: "Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing it is stupid." I think I'll paint this on my wall as a reminder that who and where I am today is just peachy, even if I'm not everyone's cup of tea. I'm not "just a stay-at-home mom." I'm a hardcore, serious, REAL, up-in-the-puke-of-it, get no sleep and still laugh and play, teach and learn, full-time, there for my child no matter what, every day, 24/7 mom. And if I don't get any more education, or make a ton of money, what I will have are beautiful relationships with my sweet babies. They will growing up knowing they are cherished and divine. They won't want for company or wonder where I am when they have any accomplishment, big or small. I will build up my treasures in heaven and create a love that will follow me into eternity. I will bask in the joy of having true kindred spirits walking beside me every day I'm on this earth.