Day 15: #fallbackintoshape2017. Something to get my blood flowing is on the workout menu of the day. Perhaps a little kickboxing with a side of abs? Or a dance video. Maybe a little barre? We'll see.

Today in A Return to Love Marianne Williamson taught me: "Spiritual progress is like a detoxification. Things have to come up in order to be released. Once we have asked to be healed, then our unhealed places are forced to the surface" (117).

I like this description. I feel like every time life seems to be going well, the universe sends a trial directly in our path - to humble us, to strengthen us or to keep us moving. But often we see these things as "bad luck" or the universe telling us it hates us. However, it's often those things that come to the surface or get in our way that turn us into who we were meant to be.

I have a vivid and visceral memory of the dumb things I have done in my life, particularly involving a couple of different relationships in college. I wanted so badly to be liked and loved that I compromised parts of my heart and safety that took a long time to heal. These memories remind me to be better. They remind me how I never want to feel again, how I'll never allow anyone to treat me again and most importantly - how I will never again treat someone else.

These memories are ugly. The moments changed my life forever. They changed me forever. And who would I be without them? I like to think there were better, easier, less painful ways to learn the lessons I have, but I don't know that I would be as brave, or strong or accountable. I don't know if I would have the voice I do today if the things in my life had not unfolded exactly as they have. So I am grateful. And forgiving. I am the power in my universe. I hope I can help other people to be the power in theirs too.